I'm writing this in memory of Sirpa, my friend who I got to know in Israel and who has passed away after battling leukaemia for 1,5 years. Rest in Peace, you won!
I want to cherish your memory the way you showed me to. To take time and to let it grow in my mind, and to get purpose before portraying it.
I remember when we went sightseeing how you didn't even bother to bring your camera and take random snapshots. Instead you silently observed and let the moment speak to you, to all your senses. You saved a picture in your mind, and in time you sketched it on paper as you remembered it. What a beautiful way of seeing the creation and life, to put it in proportion and to value it.
Yet your life told a story of constant battles. This world was never gentle or merciful to you, it never returned your kindness. On the contrary it abused you, deceived you and failed you.
You said that your name could be traced back to the meaning of scattered, mirage and that your name seemed to foreshadow your earthly life here. Yet you chose to seek a light in it all. I believe that our trials are in proportion to our strength, they will never be greater than we can handle. And to this day I can only look in wonder what a remarkable strong woman you were to live through it all. Thank you for sharing that light to me, and to your family and friends and enemies.
Never will I forget that day when I for the first time, unannounced came to visit to the hospital, I had heard of you having cancer, but didn't have your number in Finland. When I came to the reception to ask where I could find you, I hear my name being called out behind me. I turn around and there was a woman I did not recognize, with a terrible wig, thin, pale and emaciated. The eyes I met were quickly filled with tears… I can't believe it, you said you are an angel. With tears still running you explained how you this day, for the first time since coming to the hospital, felt that you had to come down to the lobby. Not knowing why or expecting anything. You said that seeing me walking in through the door, was the same as seeing an angel coming to comfort you and tell you that you are not left alone.
You told me that day that you felt like you were dying, that you didn't recognize your body anymore since it wasn't your own blood in your veins. I couldn't grasp that. What it felt like not having your own blood. What it felt like dying.
I didn't believe that you could die. I didn't believe that you already would say goodbye to this world. Maybe that's why I ignored the little whisper in my mind saying Go and visit Sirpa before you go to Israel. I recognized it to be the same whisper I had heard that day I first came to visit. I ignored it this time and now it's too late. I will have to live with that.
But I know that it is well with your soul and I know that never once did you ever walk alone. One day we will meet again.
Rest in peace Sirpa and thank you for sharing your life with me. You run the race victoriously with humility and dignity.
